Lights Will Guide You Home
by xxLittle Black Dressxx
Summary: A phone call from Jake causes Amelia to reevaluate her life in Seattle.


A/N: I'm not sure if people still read Private Practice stories. I know it's been a while since I last wrote a story for this show. This is just a little one-shot about Amelia and Addison, with a little bit of Addison/Jake on the side. I loved Amelia and Addison's relationship on Private Practice, so I wanted to write a story that captured how amazing they were. Since I no longer watch Grey's Anatomy (though I am aware of that cringe-worthy "sun" line), I'm not sure what types of storylines and relationships Amelia is involved in. But I have a hard time imagining Amelia's relationship with anyone on Grey's coming close to how incredible her relationship with Addison was (but I'm admittedly very biased). Anyway, I hope you like this. Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

**Lights Will Guide You Home**

_And with my sisters' love,  
__No star above  
__Will shine as bright as me._

_— Sister Act_

"Jake, now's not really a good time," Amelia said into her phone, half wishing that she would have just let Jake's call go to voicemail. "Can I call you back later?"

"Amelia, we need to talk now," Jake said seriously.

Amelia swallowed hard, registering Jake's grave tone. Sure, it had been months since she'd last seen him, but the Jake Reilly she knew was unshakable — never anything less than perfectly composed — so the vulnerability in his voice worried her.

"Jake, what's wrong?" she asked immediately. "Is it Addison? Henry? Is it Charlotte?"

"I, uh, it's Addison," Jake said quietly. "She, um, she had a miscarriage this morning, and, uh-"

"Wait, what?" Amelia interrupted. "I didn't even know she was pregnant. Why wouldn't she tell me that? Why wouldn't you tell me that?"

"Wow," Jake said dryly. "You've been in Seattle too long."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Amelia asked in confusion.

"You know what, it's not important."

"Yes, it is important," Amelia disagreed. "I've been in Seattle too long? What does that even mean?"

Jake sighed. "It means that not everything's about you, Amelia."

"I never said that it was," Amelia shot back defensively. "If anything, it's you and Addison who have your priorities messed up. I mean, the two of you can't be bothered to share good news with me. But then when something bad happens-"

"I'm gonna stop you before you finish that sentence and say something stupid," Jake cut in. "And I'm gonna chalk this conversation up to you being in Seattle too long."

"Okay, seriously, Jake, what the hell does that mean?" Amelia demanded. "Because you keep saying it, but I don't know what you're talking about."

Jake sighed heavily. "From what Addison's told me, some of her colleagues back in Seattle were kind of selfish people…self-absorbed."

"And you think they're rubbing off on me?" Amelia asked, rolling her eyes.

"I don't know," Jake shrugged. "What I do know is that I called to talk to you about Addison, and so far, we've pretty much just talked about you."

"Well, it's not my fault you're ambushing me," Amelia defended.

"Look, Amelia, I didn't call to fight with you," Jake said. "I called because…because Addison's going through something terrible. And I think she could really use her family right now. And I don't mean the Captain and Archer, or our co-workers at the practice. I mean you. I think she could really use you right now."

"I, uh…" Amelia trailed off.

"That's okay," Jake said sadly. "I get it."

"Get what?" Amelia asked angrily. "And don't say that I've been in Seattle too long. Don't you dare say that!"

"I wasn't going to."

"Good," Amelia breathed, feeling her muscles unclench, as she tried to decipher all of the contradictory emotions that she was feeling.

"Look, Amelia, I've gotta get back to Addison. I just…I thought you should know."

"Yeah," Amelia said quietly. "Okay. Thanks for telling me, Jake. I, uh, I'll call Addison later."

Jake nodded silently. "Hey, Amelia."

"Yeah?"

"She was there for you. Through it all. Through the relapse and the unicorn baby. She was there."

"Yeah," Amelia muttered. "She was there…even when I didn't want her there."

"But she was there," Jake repeated. "And as much as you didn't want her there, you needed her there."

"Look, uh, Jake, I've really gotta go," Amelia stammered uncomfortably. She could feel a lump building in her throat; she could feel tears pooling in her eyes. And she didn't need that. She couldn't handle that right now.

"Okay," Jake said quietly. "Just…think about what I said."

"I'll think about it," Amelia sighed, more desperate to put an end to the conversation than anything else.

"Okay," Jake nodded. "And Amelia?"

"Yes?" Amelia asked, groaning in exasperation.

"I, uh, I know you're in Seattle reconnecting with your brother. And that's great. But that doesn't mean you have to forget about your sister, and all the history that you and Addison have. Just…think about it, okay?"

"Okay," Amelia sighed. "I'll, um…I'll talk to you later, Jake."

"Okay. Goodbye, Amelia."

Amelia sighed heavily as she hung up the phone. She ran a hand through her hair, as she tried to come to grips with her emotions. She was angry — at Addison and Jake. How could they not tell her that they were expecting a baby? (_Were_, of course, being the operative word.) She was devastated — for Addison. Addison loved Henry to the moon and back, but Amelia also knew how desperately Addison wanted to carry and give birth to a baby. And she was confused — by Jake's insinuations. He'd thought she'd changed. He seemed to think that Seattle had changed her. Had it?

She had every intention of flying out to LA. Just not yet. Things were finally starting to feel comfortable in Seattle. And going back to LA, and everyone and everything she'd left behind would surely disrupt that.

But she quickly learned that when someone you love is hurting, it's hard to go on with your day as you normally would. It's hard to concentrate. It's hard to interact with people. Hell, it's hard to breathe.

Of course, none of her colleagues seemed to notice. They were all too wrapped up in their own lives to notice her…to notice how much she was hurting. Or so she thought.

"Are you okay?" a male voice asked, ripping Amelia from her thoughts.

Amelia looked up from the salad that she had been mindlessly poking at, and found Alex Karev looking at her questioningly. "I'm fine," she muttered.

Alex shrugged. "Hey, I get it. Talking isn't my thing either. I just…I thought I should ask."

Amelia nodded mutely; her throat began to quiver, as she fought back tears. _Alex Karev_. Even before she'd moved out to Seattle, she knew who he was — Addison's former intern. Addison had mentioned him a couple of times back in LA. Addison had taught him the value of neonatal. But more importantly, Addison had taught him compassion.

And, clearly, the lesson had stuck.

"I, uh," Amelia stammered, her voice quivering. "Thank you…for asking if I was okay."

"No problem. So, let me guess," he continued, as he sat down next to Amelia. "Homesick?"

Amelia shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. A little."

"Well," Alex sighed, "I can't exactly relate to that feeling. But if you are homesick, you're lucky."

"What?"

Alex shrugged. "I just…I figure it's probably nice to have a home to miss. To have people back home to miss. I wouldn't know, though."

Amelia nodded as she let Alex's words sink in. "Yeah," she said after a moment. "It is. You're right."

"I usually am." Alex smirked. "Anyway," he continued, growing serious. "I've gotta go prep for surgery. I'll see you around."

"Yeah," Amelia nodded. "I'll see you around."

And as she watched Alex walk away, she knew she couldn't spend another second in Seattle. Right now, her place was in LA — with Addison, Jake, and Henry. With her family.

She ran her hand through her hair, and her fingers inadvertently brushed against the diamond stud in her ear. She swallowed hard as she ran her index finger over her earring. Addison was the one who had taken her to get her ears pierced. Despite the fact that she had three older sisters, none of them had ever been a sister to her quite like Addison had. Addison had done her hair for prom. And she had gone to Addison about birth control when she didn't know where else to go.

And as she boarded the plane from Seattle to Los Angeles, she realized just how deep her relationship with Addison ran. Addison wasn't selfish — not when it came to their relationship. Addison could genuinely be happy for her…despite what was going on in her own life.

_"I'm pregnant," Amelia confessed in a broken whisper. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, I am so sorry. I know how hard you've tried. And I know that it is not fair."_

_"No, no. Stop, stop. Just…stop," Addison instructed. She met Amelia's eyes. There was no anger. No jealously. Just genuineness. "I am so happy for you."_

And the more she thought about it, the more Amelia knew that Jake was right. Addison was always there for her (when she needed her, and even when she didn't think she needed her). When Ryan died, and her whole world came crashing down, of course Amelia asked for Addison. Her mother, Derek, and her sisters — they never even crossed her mind. But Addison did.

_"Ma'am, is there anyone you want to call?"_

_"Call Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. Tell her I'm ready to go to rehab."_

And when her life went from bad to worse — when she was pregnant with a brainless baby, who had no chance of survival — Addison was by her side once again. Sure, Amelia had shut Addison out for the majority of her pregnancy. But on the worst day of her life — the day that she gave birth to her baby boy who would never smile, never say his first words, never take his first steps — Addison was there.

_"Addie, my baby's gonna die."_

_"I know. And I am so, so sorry."_

Addison was there. Holding her, stroking her hair, comforting her.

_"I'm calling him a unicorn baby."_

_"You are? That's great."_

Amelia closed her eyes tightly, trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall. Addison was always there for her. Without thought or hesitation, she was always there. Even when Amelia had made it hard for her, Addison was there. And Amelia had made it hard for her…a lot. Amelia hated to admit it, but there were times where Addison would have had every right to give up on her.

_"You're frickin' barren. You waited too long, and your junk dried up."_

_"Let's be honest, not even Rosemary's baby would want to live among the tumbleweeds in your uterus."_

With comments like those, Addison would have had every right to give up on her. But she never did. Because their relationship cut deeper than that. Much deeper.

_"You are such a good thing in my son's life. He loves you so much. And you love him."_

_"If anything ever happened to me, would you take Henry?_"

Her relationship with Addison could only be described as sisterly. But as Amelia thought about the relationship that she had with her own sisters, and the little that she knew about Meredith's relationship with Lexie, she knew that what she and Addison had was more than that. It was the type of relationship that sisters aspired to have. Because Amelia had realized what her brother hadn't — that Addison wasn't worth losing.

_"You're the most competent, together person I know. I want to be you when I grow up."_

As soon as the plane touched down, Amelia sprinted through LAX, and hopped in a cab, desperate to get to Addison — to sit with her, hug her, cry with her…whatever she needed, Amelia was ready to be there. Because Addison was her sister.

She knocked on the door to Addison and Jake's beach house; and Jake answered the door. His eyes were red and sunken in, his hair a little messy. If he was surprised she was there, he didn't let on.

"Thanks for coming, Amelia," he said genuinely.

Amelia nodded mutely. She knew that any attempt at talking would result in tears. And she needed to stay strong…for Addison.

"She's in the living room," Jake offered, and Amelia followed him wordlessly through the familiar house.

The scene in front of her was exactly what Amelia had imagined it would be. And, at the same time, nothing like the way she imagined it would be.

Addison was sitting on the couch, staring into space. But it wasn't the dull, lifeless staring that Amelia had seen from Addison, back when Bizzy had died. And it wasn't the guilt-ridden crying that she'd seen from Addison when Mark had died. This was different. And devastating. The look in Addison's watery eyes was defeated…helpless…broken.

"Addie," Amelia breathed, rushing over to Addison, doing her best to ignore the ripping feeling in her own chest, the nausea that was bubbling in her throat.

She wrapped her arms around Addison, and held her close. Just like Addison had done so many times with her. "I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Addison nodded, and Amelia registered just how fragile she felt in her arms.

"Yeah," Addison breathed. "Me too."

Amelia looked up at Jake, hesitantly.

"So, Amelia," Jake began, clearing his throat. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Amelia gave Jake a small, appreciative smile. "Uh, yeah. Water would be great."

"I think we only have bottled water," Addison told Amelia apologetically. "I'm pretty sure we're out of Pellegrino."

Amelia and Jake exchanged a slight smile at Addison's comment, and how completely Addison it was. Only Addison would be concerned about the type of water she was giving her guest when she, herself, was the one grieving.

Amelia squeezed Addison's shoulder reassuringly and hugged her a little tighter. "Bottled water sounds perfect."

xxxxx

They spent the next couple of hours together, just talking. Amelia told Addison and Jake about Seattle. And Addison and Jake mostly talked about work and their coworkers — because it was easier than talking about themselves.

At some point amidst the idle talking, Amelia got up to get another bottle of water from the kitchen. And when she returned to the living room, she returned to a heartbreaking scene.

"I'm sorry," Addison whispered to Jake, as she fought back tears. "This is my fault. And I'm sorry."

"No," Jake whispered back, as he wrapped an arm around his wife. "This isn't your fault. This isn't anyone's fault. You know as well as I do that these things happen…a lot…and they're no one's fault."

Addison shook her head sadly. "Jake, you don't have to be nice about this. My body failed. I failed."

"You didn't fail," Jake said gently. "And I know, right now, you don't believe me. And that's fine…because you're hurting, and you have every right to hurt. But, Sweetheart, you didn't fail."

"I'm sorry," Addison sniffled. "I'm sorry…because I know you're hurting too. And I'm sorry."

Jake swallowed hard, and held his wife closer. They didn't have the words to make this better. But they could hold each other. So, they settled for that.

"I'm, uh, I'm gonna go check on Amelia," Jake said after a moment, sensing that his wife could use a few minutes alone with her emotions.

Addison nodded gratefully; and Jake nearly collided with Amelia on his way to the kitchen.

"I…I'm sorry," Amelia apologized. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just…I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Jake reassured.

"There's…no sun in your relationship with Addie, is there?" Amelia asked. "There's no sun."

Jake shrugged. "We're going through a rough time," he explained, slightly confused by Amelia's choice of metaphor. "I'm sure the sun will return eventually."

Amelia shook her head. "That's not what I meant. Derek and Meredith…my brother and his wife…they're so concerned about being the sun."

"Well, no offense to your brother and his wife," Jake began, "but discussions about the sun really should be limited to conversations about the weather and the solar system. There's no place for that in a marriage. And there's especially no place for that in families. It's not about one person. It should never be about one person. That type thinking is selfish and self-absorbed, and —"

"Very Seattle," Amelia filled in knowingly.

Jake shrugged. "Hey, you said it, not me. What I was going to say," he continued, growing serious, "is that that type of thinking isn't for me."

Amelia nodded as she let Jake's words sink in. There was no denying it; Jake Reilly was a class act. He was an incredible husband to Addison, and a doting father to Henry. And he was quite possibly the nicest man that Amelia had ever met in real life.

Jake cared about her. He cared about her from the beginning. But he also cared about her when it really mattered. When she was pregnant with her brainless baby, and her life was spiraling more and more out of control, he was there for her. When she was tempted to start using again to numb the pain, he was there for her. He cared about her when she, herself, no longer believed she was worth being cared about.

_"And then your addiction will kill you…And Addison will want to die. And I'll want to die…with you."_

Jake had cared about her, and she had let Jake care about her. Even when she had shut everyone else out, she let Jake in, finding some semblance of reassurance in his stories, his experiences, and his refusal to judge her (or anyone). And, of course, their coffee-dates.

_"Do you drink coffee?"_

_"I, I love coffee."_

_"Will you get some coffee with me?"_

And as Amelia looked into Jake's eyes, she registered just how tired and defeated he looked. She noticed just how worn-down and disheartened he looked. This man who had always been there for her was clearly hurting, and she hadn't been there for him.

"Uh, Jake," she whispered, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," Amelia repeated. "You lost a baby too. And I'm sorry."

Jake nodded sadly. "Thank you."

Amelia swallowed thickly. "Can I, uh, can I ask questions? Are you up for talking about it?"

Jake nodded.

"Did you guys do IVF?"

"No."

"Really? So, it was a surprise?"

"Yeah," Jake nodded, a sad smile playing on his face. "It was."

Amelia ran a hand through her hair. "Look, I know that this is probably the worst time for me to say this to you, but I'm gonna say it anyway. You guys need to try again."

"Amelia, I don't —"

"No, I know. You should grieve. I get that. But Addison got pregnant…which means that there's a better chance of her getting pregnant again."

Jake shook his head. "It's not necessarily —"

"Humor me, Jake. You're a fertility specialist, so you know the statistics better than anyone."

Jake sighed. "Statistically speaking, yes…a woman who conceives and miscarries has a pretty good shot at getting pregnant again. That's what I tell my patients. But with Addison's history —"

"You guys should try again," Amelia interrupted. "You know, if and when you're ready," she added more gently.

Jake sighed heavily. "I…"

"I know," Amelia nodded sympathetically. "You need time to process. I shouldn't have pressed it. But I'm here for you guys," she went on, patting Jake's bicep reassuringly. "No matter what happens."

"Thank you," Jake said appreciatively. "That means a lot."

* * *

_A year-and-a-half later…_

"Congratulations, Daddy!" Amelia exclaimed, as she rushed through the lobby of St. Ambrose hospital, and wrapped her arms around Jake, hugging him tightly.

A year had passed, and Addison, Jake, and Amelia were in considerably different places. Addison and Jake had become parents again. A round of IVF a couple of months after Addison's miscarriage was successful, and now Addison and Jake were the parents of a beautiful baby girl.

Amelia — though still living in Seattle — had changed. She valued the relationship that she had built with Derek and Meredith, but she also realized that she'd never truly be close to them. And she was okay with that. She knew her closest friends — Addison, Jake, Charlotte, and Sheldon — were only a short plane ride away. And trips to see her friends who'd become family were growing increasingly frequent.

"So, how bad was Addison's labor and delivery?" Amelia asked Jake.

"Pretty bad," Jake admitted, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from chuckling.

"She threatened to castrate you, didn't she?" Amelia asked knowingly.

Jake laughed. "No. But threats were made."

"Well," Amelia chuckled, "serves her right. She was absolutely the type of pregnant woman you love to hate…all fashionable and glowy. You know, the type you just want to kick in the shins."

"Now there's a refreshing image," Jake deadpanned.

"Oh, come on," Amelia laughed. "You know I'm joking. But even you have to admit, Addison was pretty glowy." She turned to Jake and smirked. "Are you sure she's not the sun?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "Trust me, she's not. And don't even think about asking her that question. She hates the metaphor as much as I do. Not to mention, she just gave birth a few hours ago, and her hormones are still everywhere. How's your brother doing, by the way?" he asked, growing serious.

Amelia shrugged. "Fine, I guess. His marriage is…Well, I'm not envious of it."

"They're still both trying to be the sun?"

"Yeah," Amelia nodded. "You were right. All that sun talk…it's just an excuse to be selfish. And there's no place for that in a marriage. And there's really no place for it in a family."

Jake smiled. "Speaking of family, I'm dying to introduce you to the newest member of our family."

Amelia smiled at Jake's wording. She knew that she'd always be family to Addison and Jake. Just like they'd always be family to her.

She spent the next few hours with her family. Congratulating Addison. Chatting with Jake and Henry. And holding her new niece and goddaughter, Leighton Amelia Montgomery-Reilly.

"You know, you didn't have to name her after me," Amelia whispered to Addison, as she looked down at the newborn snuggled in her arms. "There are probably better…more inspiring people you could have named her after."

"No," Addison said simply, shaking her head and meeting Amelia's eyes. "I wanted to name her after my sister."

_My sister_. The words echoed in Amelia's head; and she couldn't help smiling. And as she took in the scene in front of her — her family — she couldn't help thinking about families. From the outside looking in, Addison and Jake's family looked very similar to Derek and Meredith's family (though Addison and Jake had a third, college-aged daughter, Angela). But beneath the surface, the two families were nothing alike. And Amelia couldn't help feeling a little bad for her brother and Meredith. They'd likely go their entire lives trying to be the sun. But neither of them would ever shine. At least, not in her eyes.

And Amelia realized that while her life, right now, might still be in Seattle — with Derek, Meredith, and the rest of the doctors there — Seattle would never be her home. Her home was with her family — with Addison, Jake, Henry, Leighton, Charlotte, and all the doctors at the practice who _really_ know and love her. But mostly, it's with Addison, Jake and their kids. And while neither of them would ever want to be called the sun, they both shine brightly enough — individually and together — to guide her back home every so often. Back to her family, where she belongs.

_Lights will guide you home,  
__And ignite your bones,  
__And I will try to fix you._


End file.
